Been a while hasn’t it? And not just the usual few weeks as well, but a whole month and a half. Truthfully, I don’t have a real reason for not writing. My life has been pretty boring lately, so I really should have just sat down and written something (which I’m doing now). But hey, just following in my dad’s footsteps now aren’t I? That man would sometimes go forever without writing something, granted I believe he planned his posts ten times more than I do with all his research, but my point still stands.

Moving on from that nonsense, I have found myself thinking a lot, mainly due to all the free time I now have. Most of these thoughts are just one off things, unimportant stuff, but of course there are the recurring ones. The recurring thoughts really fall into two categories, with one being my desire to travel, and the other being my desire for love.

Let’s start with the less embarrassing of the two, my desire for travel. Ever since my father’s passing, I have had an itch to leave home for a while and go explore, see what is out there. It is interesting to me, because I could never remember having such a desire to go see the world, but I actually did at one point in my life. As a child, I actually was extremely eager to get out of the country, to see foreign lands. This eagerness was slowly replaced by what I could only compare to Cabin Fever, as I felt I had been cooped up in this town for so long I just had to get out and go somewhere. In fact, when I initially was looking at colleges, I was strongly leaning towards going out of state, with overseas being something that appealed to me as well. If I didn’t get into the one I wanted to, I was almost guaranteed going to not be in my home state for school.

Of course, I did end up staying in state for school, but it was only so I would be closer to home. My father, as I am sure you all are incredibly familiar with, got sick late in my junior year. With this new fact, I found it extremely difficult to travel too far from home. I was worried about the ‘what ifs’, so I wanted a school that I was able to drive home in a day, and for it not to take a ridiculous amount of time. So, I only applied to in state, and the rest is history. And just like my desire to go out of state, my desire for traveling all but vanished.

My desire to travel stayed gone for the entire time my father was battling cancer. The furthest I ever went was to my grandparents, which is a decent distance but it is not quite the adventure my younger self was hoping for. After my father passed however, the desire to get out of my home rushed back in. I felt crazy, I couldn’t stand being at home or being at school all that much. These two towns had been the only places I had been to for my whole conscious life. I had to get away, so when I eventually did and went to Romania, I thought that would satisfy my itch. It did not. In fact, it is larger than it has ever been before. I was planning on going to Spain but that unfortunately fell through, so now I’m here thinking now what? The heck am I going to do? Currently that is sit at home all day and do nothing, especially since I can’t volunteer with my car in the shop. I will make something out of this summer travel wise, I just need to figure out what.

Okay, that’s enough about traveling, I guess let’s talk about the embarrassing thing. I have always been a guy who is extremely interested in love. There is just something about being in a relationship that fulfills me like nothing else ever has. Of course, it takes the right person to be in a relationship with, as anything short of that will be dissatisfying. But it is such a beautiful thing, love I mean not dissatisfying relationships. Whenever friends of mine start dating someone, I can’t help but be happy for them, especially if it is someone you can tell truly cares and loves them. That type of connection is not something that comes easy, you have to have a level of understanding and trust that no one else can truly get. I long for the day I find that for myself. I can’t imagine a life where I don’t find someone to love and who loves me back, that deep understanding which I lack now.

Holy crap I am so incredibly sappy. But I mean every word I have said, I want to find that person and spend the rest of my life with them. Is that so much to ask? Yes I know I am young and have “plenty of time”, but I am one impatient son of a gun when it comes to this. All these other people have found it, why can’t I? I joke with my friends that I’m a hopeless romantic, but honestly there is probably some truth to that. Is it really so much to ask to have someone I can get flowers for? It is just unbelievably frustrating to me; I desire for this (not so) simple thing so badly but cannot find it yet. And don’t worry, I know not to try to force it, I’m only desperate, not stupid. But I do know I will find that love for myself one day (Lord PLEASE), I just need to be patient.

Now that I have adequately exposed just how badly I want to find love to the masses, I think I will call it a post. There is no deeper lesson here, this was just a space for me to rant about how badly I desire to travel and yearn for love. Hopefully this will placate my mind so I can enjoy Football Manager in peace. Until the next post, may all your prospects be bountiful and may God bless you.

(Learn to Fly by Foo Fighters)